tml start attachment le... i hav pack my bag.. got ready de clothes i wan to wear le..

today went out to check out my other attachment place(depot close) around redhill dere.. damn far lo... dad drove mi around to c wat other buses or alternative route i can take to reach my attachment place faster..

i hav to take record of wat de buses is around.. de nearest place.. haha... abit mafan.. oh well.. nw i record de places le.. ^^

tml hav to wake up as early as 6am lo.. haha.. like exam time.. work start at 8.. hope i don be late.. hope dis attachment i can finish it successful.. so i can go fyp n SUZHOU !!! ^^

update till here.. sleepy le.. today slp 4hrs onli due to come home frm brandon chalet early in de morning..

YES !!! YES !!! the exams are done... dis sem... of studying... of exams... OVER LIAO !!!

buuuuutttttttttttt..... nxt week attachment start le... 3 days of holiday... WOW !!!! tat is such a long holiday...

thur was my last paper... after last paper.. went to collect satay... for chalet.. going chalet... at sentosa... wow... sound cool right ? but de room was so small... fucking small.. tama de... bought food like satay, otah, sting ray, prawn, chicken, fishball, hotdog, crab meat, sotong, taiwan sassuge n of cos bee hoon.. alot right ??? yeah... quite alot la.. haha..

when bbqing.. was quite lucky.. had a private function tat they set fireworks... damn lucky lo... de fireworks was near... haha.. of cos pretty.. den we celebrate shaun's 25th birthday... lol.. his gf ask qing buy cake.. LOL.. well... dis yr i cannot eat any birthday cake.. den de cake.. well.. i put on his face... HAHA !!! but he got back to mi la... lol.. den king guan, steven n qing also kanna.. LOL..

den ltr mi n shuan pull qing into de pool... LOL... den shaun push mi in... KARMA !!! den mi n qing pull shaun in.. LOL.. who cares man... hav fun..

den after awhile.. the guys start to play cards.. lose 1 drink chivas n beer... i bought chivas n baileys... baileys was drink finish by hui hui, elaine, yafen n shaun gf...

den i lost 1 round... drink de chivas... i cannot drink tat... my body hav rejected tat liquior.. yucks lo... den i stop drinking le... den went to eat prawns..

den around 2am went to de beach.. to walk.. i sit on de sand.. it was windy.. nth was going on my mind.. jus feeling relax i guess... den de guys went to jungle walk.. i went back to chalet.. shaun was drunk.. LOL.. but after tat he quite awake.. n request to go home.. so no choice lo.. derwin drive his car to send him back n went home.. since he had something on de nxt day..

de rest of us check out around 7am.. took de bus out n mrt home.. i slpt 1hr at de chalet.. when gt home.. was nt tired.. den went out in de afternoo.. went to watch movie.. 4Bia.. tama de.. some of my frens say nice.. i was scare out of my balls..

after movie.. went to buy sparkes... den head down to brandon chalet... chalet again.. LOL.. den play de sparkes.. den around 10plus cab home..

once home.. i went to bath.. den i jus check my mail.. my attachment teacher in charge send email as i send him to c if gt anything i still need to noe.. den i jus ly on my bed.. den i jus slp.. HAHA... tired le.. when having exams.. i slp around 5hrs den after tat at chalet slp 1hrs.. lol..

but wake up awhile... off my com.. watch abit of tv.. den slp le...

ltr i going to check out my attachment place.. how to go dere.. den at night maybe head down to brandon chalet again.. ^^

2 paper down... but 2 more to go... the more relax paper is over.. nxt week is de 2 killer paper... sad sia...

dis 2 paper... can say tat i got study... can say i nv study... was too relax.. maybe over confident ba i guess... but i did my best... tats all i can say..

my best frens... de fever... de cough... de flu... they are back... wtf... i hav been slping at 11plus... wake up at 8 ~ 10am... but still gt dis kind of sickness... wtf.. a healthier diet.. 2 meals a day... less oily food... more vege.. i drink alot of water.. feeli like de life when i was in sec 3... more water... healthy diet...

nw getting abit tired... tml maybe go cut hair... tml will go change my atm card... change to a card tat i can at least use at china... ^^

attachment... i noe where my attachment is le... quite far sia.. hope dis job can keep mi occupied.. 8am to 5pm... monday to fri... maybe hav OT !!! well... jus try my best to do wat i can do ba... jus learn lo... no harm in learning right ???

i feel like getting a bike lic... hope to get my own transport system... at least no need to worried abt transport i guess.. but should i get it ??? hmm... tats wat i hav been tinking..

i hav a proper tok wif joey... my wish for u mich... is tat...

to c u smile wif watever u do...

i will let u go...

i will let it go...

i am jus happy wif wat u hav now... ur choice... i realli thank u for watever u had done for mi..

i jus wan to say tat... i hav love u be4... if dere is a chance... i will hold u again...

i hav been waking up as early as 8.30am everyday... don noe y ??? jus auto...

today i view my friendster... i view through my testimonials... n i saw something... my tears jus drop down when i read it..

Baby,

sometime i may be willful, playful, ridiculous, unreasonable. but i know that you never fail to be there for me. whenever im sad, your shoulder are alway there for me to cry on wiping my tears off. and even if im angry, and vend my anger on you, you always so tolerance and tried all ways to cheer me up. i may not voice out anyting about all the thing u have done for me. but, deep down in my heart im very touched for all the minor thing u have done for me. and here, i would like to sae a thanks to my baby, and love you loads baby... muacks miss ya heex

from ur xiaozhuzhu

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dear dear...

i was so touch by ur testimonial...

wo zhi xiang yao yong wo zhe yi bei zi qu ai ni....

nv had some one told mi such a ting before...

ur are de only one..

my one and only one..

for now and alwaymuack...

love you alway de baobei

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darling,

tml is our 1yr anniversary le.. time passes fast.. and i have never regret being together with you.. you have brought me laughter, smile, and loads of happy stuff.. love you is wat i to do.. and wanna you to know that you are always mine!!

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i saw a note... de yellow note... tat u wrote to mi for de cap u 1st time gav mi... i saw something a little heart... tat cannot be seem so easily... behind de words... i was realli heart broken.. i was realli heart broken...

i realli was being love by u... i realli hope u will c dis.. n giv mi a 2nd chance.. I REALLI LOVE YOU !!! I REALLI DO !!!

today i felt realli sick... woke up wif de flu getting worse... fever was also on de rise... cough at least better le...

actually wan to go out study de... but i realli cannot take it.. so today rest.. but in de end... i went out.. fab ask mi out to pei mi go sim lim check stuff n watch movie..

den i go lo.. once out... i bought strepsils... every few hrs take 1 is wat the box say... but i eat it like sweet... i realli cannot tahan... den de flu... haizzz.... nose fluid gt blood... i c le... i shake my head... haizzz...

i was dizzy when out wif fab, leo n wq... i realli cannot tahan.. i finish my panadol le... ytd night took some chinese med... yucks..

den i went out bought panadol for cold relief... drank 1 corn soup den eat de med... den went in for de movie... after de movie... i felt better...

den walk to PS dere take bus 147 home... whereas fab they all went to meet fren...

on de bus... i was tinking... wat if i nv wrote de blog for last week fri... 8/8/2008... i should hav call u... tell u how i felt... de words tat i put on tat day blog... was too harsh on u... i was selfish... i was inmature... i nv put my feelings in ur point... i was a jerk... u did so much for mi... u sacrifice so much for mi... without saying a thing... n yet... i didn't tink about how u feel...

i should hav call u... i should hav... but nw is too late to regret le... de dmg has been done... de dmg has been done...

if i was given a choice... i will trade everything in the world... wat i had... my trip to suzhou... everything... jus to hold ur hands... n say i love u mich... i realli will...i realli will

1 week since tat painful day...

i still love u... i still miss u...

i hav been trying to let myself control my emotion... trying to cool down... but it is hard.. everytime i close my eyes... i jus c u..

i dream of u de night be4... de dream tat u will forgiv mi... n giv mi a chance to hold ur hands again.. but i woke up... in tears... tears jus drop down...

i noe it is a hard decision for u to make... u hav tolerate mi for 2 yrs.. but i still love u.. my love for u has always been dere..

now i hope a 2nd chance.. ur 2nd chance... i will not let u regret... a 2nd chance.. i still love u my dear..

i was up early almost everyday.... 8.30am ??? i was up by tat time... jus auto wake up...

exams nxt week... hav been having bad sore throat... cough frm last week... dis week gt abit of fever... having a hard time to focus on nxt week paper...

i didn't hav much good night slp dis few days... mind has been tinking i guess... but ytd... i had a dream... i dream of her... dream of her forgiving mi n giving a 2nd chance... n i was holding her hands again... i realli dream tat mi n her was walking at tanjong beach... but dreams r jus dreams... it may nt be true...

i jus hav to work hard i guess... nv giv up... no matter wat happen... happiness is something i wan to fight for... cos i realli noe wat i wan... no more hesiting.. determine to do it...

i need to change myself... starting frm ytd..

i hav to change to a better person... no more old zhi fan... no more....

i hav set de basic steps to a new mi... a better mi...

1. SELF-CONTROL

2. NO MORE BEING LAZY

3. A CLEAR AIM + MIND

dis r de 3 basic steps to change mi... i wan to improve... i wan to slowly change.. i don wan to let my mistakes happen again...

but if i don follow my steps... i will punish myself... a punishment... tat i am willing to follow... no more slacking halfway... i will do it... no matter how hard or pain it is..

A CLEAR AIM... i noe noe wat i realli wan... wat i realli wan to aim... the aim... i tink u noe... "W.W.Y"






i.w.w

for dis last blog i am going to do... i am going to write how i feel...

i cherish the times i spend wif u every now and then... neverless a time i didn't enjoy the times.. rmb the 1st time i meet u at sentosa... saying i was like ah beng... de 2nd date... i acc u to dential... after tat a movie... de 1st thing u gav mi.. my veri own cap... wif my nick... it was de sweetess thing tat i hav receive... i rmb tat movie... 'Cars'

follow by all the times we spend together... working wif u... going sentosa wif u... watching fireworks wif u... going to ur skool to find u... i was happy... cos u my angel was dere to acc mi... i will always rmb the time... i pass my driving lesson u were wif mi... no matter how long was the w8... n of cos the time i was sick... u acc mi to c doctor... den we had ice cream n waffle.. de 1st time i drive u to woodlands... i realli hope tat i was onli driving u onli.. the chalet we had together... jus de 2 of us...

rmb a few times... i was jealous... when guys r near u... when some1 gav u their hp num... cos i scare they snatch away my light... my angel.. but now... it flew away...

i will rmb the smile... the smile tat will melt my heart... even though i don say it out... but in my mind... i love it... i love the times... when u were suprise by mi... the mini cup cakes i make for u wif my love... ur birthday gift tat i got for u.. saying i was at home slping..

ur hugs... tat gav mi warmth n de strength... saying tat u will always be dere for mi... showing tat u always love mi... the times at sentosa... when it was raining.. n we were under de shelter... even though cold... but u beside mi... hugging mi.. it was enough... n at the water... de 2 of us... jus feeling close to each other... it was de best time i hav...

ur lips n smooch... ur smooch always giv de feeling of spring and suprise... the feeling i nv regret choosing u to be my partner... ur sweet lips when u kiss mi... i was feeling like i was in heaven... ur cold jokes... tat keep mi entertain even though i nv express much... but deep in my heart.. i was enjoying it...

but wat is most important is ur hand... ur hand tat holds mi... tat is de true strength tat always pull mi up... locking ur hands n mine... de ring tat we both wear... everytime u ask mi if u will marry mi... n i try not to answer... in my mind... i will marry u cos u hav gave mi all de love tat i nv felt be4... i will always wan to take out de ring frm ur 3rd finger... n put in ur 4th..

but now.. u hav given up on mi... i will nv blame u for ur choice... as i will absorb ur pain... i noe it is a tough decision for u.. but i will hav to accept the fact.

if dere is another chance... another chance to hav u by my side... another chance to hav u back... i will say yes... no 2nd thoughs..

as i will like to hear the bells of joy ringing.. when i hold ur hands n walk down the red carpet wif the words " Just Married" behind us... i will carry u for life... sharing ur happiness n sadness... but i will take away the pain frm u as ur smile... ur smile... tat is wat i will always love to c frm u... u r de best gf i hav.. our memories tat mi n u hav created... will always be dere for us to cherish.. dere is no way for us to remove tat memory.. i will hope tat memeory can continue... continue.. continue till i am no longer in dis word...

this is my true feeling... a feeling i nv show... a feeling i nv say be4... a feeling... a feeling... tat i truely cherish... thank u for letting mi hav a taste wat true love is...

no 1 noes how i feel right now... i jus feeling veri veri down... de cheerful side tat i always shown... is jus a act now... acting strong ??? maybe...

tireness ??? maybe... stress ??? maybe.. de pressure tat exams is around the corner... is it draining mi... i look sooo tired... i look like a walking undead... no soul... no aim...

haizzz.... wat i wan for now ? is it good grades ? is it having enough to slp ? NOOOO !!! i jus wan a simple thing known as a partner a fren... some1 to accompany mi...

disappointment is feeling up my heart... nt pressure... mere words of support no longer works... i nw realli need is a hug of warmness n a smooch to keep mi walking wif hope... but where is it ??? it is no where around... i cannot sense de supportness... tears of disappointment... every night the tears of disappointment... de tears of missing ur hug ur lips ur pressenses... it is jus wat i realli wanted... nth else... nth else matters anymore...

wild things r running in mind... going out wif frens... having training... rather than supporting mi ???? haizzz... i don noe wat i am tinking... i noe u r busy... taking care of house chores... homework... training... pressure frm ur tennis n coach.. work... supporting urself.. tolerate parents... i noe i hav no right to ask much frm u.. as i noe u r tired.. everytime c u so tired or sad frm parents.. i hope i am dere to take away ur sadness n c u smile... but... haizzz... wishing wishing...

it is jus spinning spinning... wanting to drink my sorrows... wanting to hurt myself... jus wanting to bring de pain elsewhere... it realli hurts in de heart... but yet u don noe... i jus don hav de guts to say it out... i jus don wan to say it out... i rather suffer den c ur tears... tats how i realli felt... maybe i hav depend on u for too much... maybe... i may look strong n able to take hits...

but i am jus a guy... a normal guy tat is weak... nt able to take hits... i jus miss u... my love... i realli hope u r by my side always...